My mum had a neighbour coming in 3-4 times a week to help her with her paperwork. Initially this was after my dad died and there were things that needed sorting out, but gradually it was every item of paperwork, bills etc. because she had lost the confidence to cope and it was easier to throw herself on the mercy of this kind neighbour. Said neighbour was working full-time and looking after an elderly father who was physically disabled but did not have dementia. Apparently she felt unable to say no to my mum, who was very good at emotional blackmail.
It got to the point where my mum would ring me up and complain that the neighbour hadn't visited that day, and it was a real nuisance because such-and-such letter had come, but any offer by me to help her instead met with vehement resistence. "No, you mustn't interfere, it will get in the way of her system. She knows what she is doing with my affairs, you must not get involved."
After a few of these offers by me my mum got so stressed that she told her not to have anything to do with me, so when I emailed and wrote to the woman, she ignored me. When my mum became very ill and was admitted to hospital the kindly neighbour made a tactical retreat and we have never seen or heard from her again even though she lives 5 doors away in the cul-de-sac.
She's getting £5K in the Will because of her help, which of course my mum saw as being ongoing and permanent, whereas it was actually only for a few months over 4 years ago. She is also named joint executor with my brother. At the time her last Will was drawn up, my mum thought that this neighbour was her best friend and the only one who she could trust. I just hope that when my mum dies this woman does the decent thing and declines to be an executor. However, in law she still has the right to take control of things, above me the daughter. I absolutely hate the idea that she could sift through all our personal family possessions and make decisions about them.
I don't suppose any of that applies is your case, but I just add a note of warning about the power that people can gain over vulnerable people if they think there is no family in the picture. You must IMHO let them know who you are and get them to consult you about what they do with your mum, including the outings. Never mind that mum is happy to get in the car with them, like a small child, you must insist on having a view with regard to her welfare and whether she is involved in appropriate social activities.
