Have you ever been in a relationship where your partner makes you feel crazy? Or where they wanted to control your every move? Or perhaps you have felt like you were being emotionally blackmailed?How to Handle Emotional Blackmail in a Relationship
If you have felt that way, you are not alone. Many people find themselves a victim of an emotional blackmailer.
But what exactly is emotional blackmail? Let’s take a look.
Table of Contents
What Is Emotional Blackmail?
Emotional blackmail is a very dysfunctional dynamic that happens in some relationships. It is a form of manipulation that a person uses to make demands on and threaten their victims to get what they want.
Just like “regular” blackmail, the message of emotional blackmail is this: “If you don’t do what I want and when I want it, you will be sorry. I will make you suffer.”
An example of “regular blackmail” might look like this. Perhaps you walked in on your married boss fooling around in his office with one of your co-workers (who is not his wife). Since he doesn’t want his wife to find out, he will likely do anything to keep you from telling his secret. So, it would be blackmail for you to say, “I won’t tell your wife if you double my salary.”
Emotional blackmail is not really that different from this. It just happens in close, intimate relationships.
Someone who is trying to emotionally blackmail you will create feelings of fear, guilt, and anger to get you to comply with what they want. While they are doing this, they try to blame you (the victim) for their own negative behavior.
Examples of Emotional Blackmail
A person who is an emotional blackmailer tends to be emotionally immature. They don’t have any other ways to communicate with someone, and they don’t know how to be in a healthy relationship. Instead, they rely on their negative behavior to bully their partner into compliance.
Emotional blackmail occurs in many romantic relationships. In fact, this is probably the most common type of relationship in which you will find this occurring.
Let’s take the example of cheating. If a woman is caught cheating on her husband (and she is an emotional blackmailer), then instead of expressing remorse and apologizing for her actions, she will instead deflect the blame onto her husband.
In other words, she may say things like “If you were just more loving and attentive to me, then I wouldn’t have had to cheat on you!” In saying this, she is justifying her behavior and confusing her husband so much that he might actually start to believe that it is his fault that she cheated on him.
He may even start to internalize this and wonder if maybe he is not good enough for her or that he is somehow a bad husband.
Here are some other ways that someone can emotionally blackmail another person:
- If you ever break up with me, I will commit suicide.
- You say you love me, but you won’t stop talking to your friend because I want you to.
- If I ever catch you looking at another woman, I’ll kill her!
- I’ve talked to my friends and family, and they all agree that you are crazy!
- You have ruined my life, and now you’re trying to tell me to stop drinking?
You see, an emotional blackmailer will always try to make the victim feel like they are to blame for everything. Here are a couple of more examples:
- It’s your fault that I didn’t get that promotion at work.
- If you would just buy healthy food, then I wouldn’t be fat.
They also use strategies that create confusion in their victims. The ways they do this is by making their demands seem reasonable, making their victim seem selfish or crazy, or partnering with someone else to help intimidate them.
How Do You Know If You Are Being Emotionally Blackmailed?
Believe it or not, you might not know if you’re being blackmailed. It might seem like you should know, but sometimes people are too close to the situation and therefore, they don’t recognize the warning signs.
Let’s take a look at some of the things you should be on the lookout for:
- Do you apologize a lot? In other words, do you feel like your partner thinks everything you do is wrong and so, you have to constantly beg for forgiveness?
- Do you take responsibility for your partner’s actions? In other words, if they are having a temper tantrum, do you automatically think it’s because you did something wrong?
- Does it seem like you are the only one who gives in or makes sacrifices in the relationship?
- Do you often feel intimidated by your partner? Do you feel threatened into obeying what they say or forcibly comply?
- Do you make changes to your life just to make your partner happy?
- Do you find it difficult to stand up for yourself? Or do you feel like you are walking around on eggshells and that you can’t talk about things that are bothering you?
- Do you find it impossible to set up boundaries in your relationship or to say no to your partner?
- Do you find it extremely difficult to communicate with your partner? And that if you do, he/she will not hear what you are really saying?
If you said “yes” to any of these questions, then you are probably being emotionally blackmailed. And you need to do something about it.
Tips for Handling Emotional Blackmail
If you are a victim of emotional blackmail, there are some ways you can handle it.
1. Be Honest With Yourself
First, you need to be honest with yourself and really take a hard, objective look at your partner’s behavior. Try to recognize their controlling behavior – of all kinds.
2. Keep a Journal
Writing down your daily interactions with the other person will allow you to go back and review what was said and done by them. That way, you have a written record of the actual behavior that is happening. Because sometimes, our memory can play tricks on us, so it’s important to get it on paper.
3. Seek Help
Try to understand why you are allowing this behavior in your partner. Is there something in your past that makes you think you deserve this negative behavior? If you have the resources to do so, try to seek help from a therapist to help you uncover why you are allowing this in your life.
4. Determine If You Are in Danger
Many people have their occasional emotional outbursts, but if this has become something regular in your relationship, you need to protect yourself and your children (if you have them).
5. Take Action
Try to get your partner to seek help if he/she is an emotional blackmailer. And if they refuse, then you need to seriously consider ending the relationship if they will not change.
The Bottom Line
No one deserves to be emotionally blackmailed. It is a horrible, mean way to manipulate another human being. So, if you find that you are a victim of emotional blackmail in your relationship, you need to realize that you deserve better.
Save yourself and your happiness, because that is all that really matters.
‘There will be very bad consequences if you leave me!’
‘I will open your secret to the world if you go against my wishes.’
‘You will do this if you really love me.’
‘And I always thought you loved me, huh!’
Are you subjected to emotional blackmail in a relationship where your partner is trying to control your every move and you just feel crazy? It is hard to deal with such emotional manipulation where you feel vulnerable with your partner instead of feeling loved and secured.
Emotional blackmail is actually a form of manipulation where one of the partners forces their demands by threatening the other one. The person will try to create fear, guilt, and frustration to make it happen. Even if you agree to their demands, you are still being victimized for their own negative behavior.
Some other examples of emotional blackmail in a relationship include:
- If you ever talk to your friends, I will never talk to you.
- If I find you looking at another woman, she will not be spared.
- I will commit suicide if you leave me.
- It is because of you that I didn’t get the promotion at work.
Handling emotional blackmail is definitely not easy but there is no need to sit back and feel the pain of being manipulated. Your voice is subsided and you just cannot figure out your own needs. This is why you should find out how to deal with blackmail in relationships so that you don’t feel intimidated again and hear your own voices beaming.
Types Of Emotional Blackmailers
- Punishers: They threaten to hurt you emotionally as well as physically when their demands are not agreed.
- Self-punishers: They try to hurt themselves if you don’t agree on their terms.
- Sufferers: They show you that they will suffer if you take an unexpected turn.
- Tantalizer: These people promise to make things better which sparks hope with the partner. However, the threat never leaves the relationship.
How To Handle Emotional Blackmail In Relationships?
1. Set Boundaries For Yourself
Whenever you repel the blackmailing behavior of your partner or avoid the conversation during the phase, they get to understand that you will not take it anymore. Although it needs you to be courageous in the moment, such toxic behavior is just not acceptable. Scary, right? But here is how to begin to love yourself.
2. Tell Them That Love Doesn’t Have Space For Blackmailing
A famous quote says, ‘Some people earn love. Some people blackmail others into it.’ Make your partner understand that when a person loves you, they don’t need to threaten you for a healthy relationship. If threatened, you do not feel safe around the person and ultimately see the fall of a beautiful relationship.
3. Seek Help For Your Partner
The jealousy, emotional turmoil or lack of understanding between you two could be one the reasons why your partner is trying to emotionally blackmail you. They may need a psychologist or a therapist to keep the situation balanced. A therapist will help them uncover the real reasons behind their behavior and equip them with tools to deal with negative behavior.
With that, checkout the signs your relationship needs couple counseling. If you see active signs, drop us an email at [email protected] to connect you with an experienced therapist.
4. Make A Positive Mindset
Believe it or not, your mindset plays an important role in dealing with emotional blackmail in a relationship. Tell yourself that you deserve respect and love! That’s it. Once you set your mindset, you try to deal with the stressful situations in an optimistic way.
5. Choose Healthy Relationship
You are never as weak that you cannot choose the kind of relationship and life with the person. You are free to negotiate the health of a relationship and can end it as per your personal choice. If things are getting out of hand and toxicity is on the rise, you know that moving on is certainly the best option, no matter how much emotional blackmail goes on. Be strong and choose what is right for you.
A Word From The Author
Remember, when a person is subjected to emotional blackmail in a relationship, they are compromising their self-esteem and integrity. Victims often find themselves isolated and find anxiety and depression surrounding them. Hence, when you feel blackmailed next time then make sure that you take a step back and analyze the situation and make healthy choices for yourself.
Home » Emotional Blackmail in Relationships and How to Handle it
“If you go out with your friends I’ll know that you don’t care about me!” Has the person you are dating ever told you something like that? If the answer is yes, then you are probably going through emotional blackmail in your relationship without even realizing it. Emotional blackmailers usually tend to give the people they are close ultimatums that then cause fear, guilt, or obligation to get what they want. In most relationships, emotional blackmail is usually so subtle that those in such situations don’t realize it. Pressuring or reminding someone of their duties can be one low-key tactic of emotional blackmail. A romantic partner who is emotionally blackmailing you can say, ” You say you love me, but you won’t stop talking to your friend because I want you to.” In such a scenario, the manipulator is reminding the victim that because they are in love, they are obligated to do what the other partner requires them to do.
How Do You Know If You Are Being Emotionally Blackmailed?
Believe it or not, you might not know if you’re being blackmailed. It might seem like you should know, but sometimes people are too close to the situation and therefore, they don’t recognize the warning signs.
Let’s take a look at some of the things you should be on the lookout for:
- Do you apologize a lot? In other words, do you feel like your partner thinks everything you do is wrong and so, you have to constantly beg for forgiveness?
- Do you take responsibility for your partner’s actions? In other words, if they are having a temper tantrum, do you automatically think it’s because you did something wrong?
- Does it seem like you are the only one who gives in or makes sacrifices in the relationship?
- Do you often feel intimidated by your partner? Do you feel threatened into obeying what they say or forcibly comply?
- Do you make changes to your life just to make your partner happy?
- Do you find it difficult to stand up for yourself? Or do you feel like you are walking around on eggshells and that you can’t talk about things that are bothering you?
- Do you find it impossible to set up boundaries in your relationship or to say no to your partner?
- Do you find it extremely difficult to communicate with your partner? And that if you do, he/she will not hear what you are really saying?
If you said “yes” to any of these questions, then you are probably being emotionally blackmailed. And you need to do something about it.
How to handle the situation
It’s not all on you
If you have just come to the realization that your partner is emotionally blackmailing you, remember that it is not your responsibility to fix someone who is treating you badly. Remember that the manipulator has choices about their behavior and dilemmas and they are trying to shift that responsibility to you. Don’t let them.
Lay boundaries
There are ways to bring up your concerns with a loved one if you believe that their emotional blackmail is something they’re unaware of.
For instance, if your partner threatens to leave because you have declined to do something for them you should directly and firmly state a boundary by telling them to stop. This can feel scary, but it usually works.
Threats often don’t materialize, because they’re usually a plea for more attention. You can also assure the manipulator that you love them and want the relationship intact but are unwilling to do what they want.
Communicate
If you’re dealing with a repeat offender of emotional blackmail, all good solutions start with communication.
You should talk to your partner to express concern. If their goal is to hijack your emotions, then you first need to be clear with yourself what you are willing to accept. Express this to them, and hold to it. You can say, clearly, that you won’t be manipulated.
If insecurities exist, ask what you can do to help them feel more secure. Maybe your partner needs more regular romantic gestures.
Step away
If this person won’t stop despite your requests and continues, then it is time to consider stepping away. Emotional blackmail is an abusive dynamic, especially if it continues after boundaries are clearly laid. You deserve to feel loved and supported, not threatened.
How to Handle Emotional Blackmail in a Relationship
Have you ever been in a relationship where your partner makes you feel crazy? Or where they wanted to control your every move? Or perhaps you have felt like you were being emotionally blackmailed?How to Handle Emotional Blackmail in a Relationship
If you have felt that way, you are not alone. Many people find themselves a victim of an emotional blackmailer.
But what exactly is emotional blackmail? Let’s take a look.
Table of Contents
What Is Emotional Blackmail?
Emotional blackmail is a very dysfunctional dynamic that happens in some relationships. It is a form of manipulation that a person uses to make demands on and threaten their victims to get what they want.
Just like “regular” blackmail, the message of emotional blackmail is this: “If you don’t do what I want and when I want it, you will be sorry. I will make you suffer.”
An example of “regular blackmail” might look like this. Perhaps you walked in on your married boss fooling around in his office with one of your co-workers (who is not his wife). Since he doesn’t want his wife to find out, he will likely do anything to keep you from telling his secret. So, it would be blackmail for you to say, “I won’t tell your wife if you double my salary.”
Emotional blackmail is not really that different from this. It just happens in close, intimate relationships.
Someone who is trying to emotionally blackmail you will create feelings of fear, guilt, and anger to get you to comply with what they want. While they are doing this, they try to blame you (the victim) for their own negative behavior.
Examples of Emotional Blackmail
A person who is an emotional blackmailer tends to be emotionally immature. They don’t have any other ways to communicate with someone, and they don’t know how to be in a healthy relationship. Instead, they rely on their negative behavior to bully their partner into compliance.
Emotional blackmail occurs in many romantic relationships. In fact, this is probably the most common type of relationship in which you will find this occurring.
Let’s take the example of cheating. If a woman is caught cheating on her husband (and she is an emotional blackmailer), then instead of expressing remorse and apologizing for her actions, she will instead deflect the blame onto her husband.
In other words, she may say things like “If you were just more loving and attentive to me, then I wouldn’t have had to cheat on you!” In saying this, she is justifying her behavior and confusing her husband so much that he might actually start to believe that it is his fault that she cheated on him.
He may even start to internalize this and wonder if maybe he is not good enough for her or that he is somehow a bad husband.
Here are some other ways that someone can emotionally blackmail another person:
- If you ever break up with me, I will commit suicide.
- You say you love me, but you won’t stop talking to your friend because I want you to.
- If I ever catch you looking at another woman, I’ll kill her!
- I’ve talked to my friends and family, and they all agree that you are crazy!
- You have ruined my life, and now you’re trying to tell me to stop drinking?
You see, an emotional blackmailer will always try to make the victim feel like they are to blame for everything. Here are a couple of more examples:
- It’s your fault that I didn’t get that promotion at work.
- If you would just buy healthy food, then I wouldn’t be fat.
They also use strategies that create confusion in their victims. The ways they do this is by making their demands seem reasonable, making their victim seem selfish or crazy, or partnering with someone else to help intimidate them.
How Do You Know If You Are Being Emotionally Blackmailed?
Believe it or not, you might not know if you’re being blackmailed. It might seem like you should know, but sometimes people are too close to the situation and therefore, they don’t recognize the warning signs.
Let’s take a look at some of the things you should be on the lookout for:
- Do you apologize a lot? In other words, do you feel like your partner thinks everything you do is wrong and so, you have to constantly beg for forgiveness?
- Do you take responsibility for your partner’s actions? In other words, if they are having a temper tantrum, do you automatically think it’s because you did something wrong?
- Does it seem like you are the only one who gives in or makes sacrifices in the relationship?
- Do you often feel intimidated by your partner? Do you feel threatened into obeying what they say or forcibly comply?
- Do you make changes to your life just to make your partner happy?
- Do you find it difficult to stand up for yourself? Or do you feel like you are walking around on eggshells and that you can’t talk about things that are bothering you?
- Do you find it impossible to set up boundaries in your relationship or to say no to your partner?
- Do you find it extremely difficult to communicate with your partner? And that if you do, he/she will not hear what you are really saying?
If you said “yes” to any of these questions, then you are probably being emotionally blackmailed. And you need to do something about it.
Tips for Handling Emotional Blackmail
If you are a victim of emotional blackmail, there are some ways you can handle it.
1. Be Honest With Yourself
First, you need to be honest with yourself and really take a hard, objective look at your partner’s behavior. Try to recognize their controlling behavior – of all kinds.
2. Keep a Journal
Writing down your daily interactions with the other person will allow you to go back and review what was said and done by them. That way, you have a written record of the actual behavior that is happening. Because sometimes, our memory can play tricks on us, so it’s important to get it on paper.
3. Seek Help
Try to understand why you are allowing this behavior in your partner. Is there something in your past that makes you think you deserve this negative behavior? If you have the resources to do so, try to seek help from a therapist to help you uncover why you are allowing this in your life.
4. Determine If You Are in Danger
Many people have their occasional emotional outbursts, but if this has become something regular in your relationship, you need to protect yourself and your children (if you have them).
5. Take Action
Try to get your partner to seek help if he/she is an emotional blackmailer. And if they refuse, then you need to seriously consider ending the relationship if they will not change.
The Bottom Line
No one deserves to be emotionally blackmailed. It is a horrible, mean way to manipulate another human being. So, if you find that you are a victim of emotional blackmail in your relationship, you need to realize that you deserve better.
Save yourself and your happiness, because that is all that really matters.
Home » Emotional Blackmail in Relationships and How to Handle it
“If you go out with your friends I’ll know that you don’t care about me!” Has the person you are dating ever told you something like that? If the answer is yes, then you are probably going through emotional blackmail in your relationship without even realizing it. Emotional blackmailers usually tend to give the people they are close ultimatums that then cause fear, guilt, or obligation to get what they want. In most relationships, emotional blackmail is usually so subtle that those in such situations don’t realize it. Pressuring or reminding someone of their duties can be one low-key tactic of emotional blackmail. A romantic partner who is emotionally blackmailing you can say, ” You say you love me, but you won’t stop talking to your friend because I want you to.” In such a scenario, the manipulator is reminding the victim that because they are in love, they are obligated to do what the other partner requires them to do.
How Do You Know If You Are Being Emotionally Blackmailed?
Believe it or not, you might not know if you’re being blackmailed. It might seem like you should know, but sometimes people are too close to the situation and therefore, they don’t recognize the warning signs.
Let’s take a look at some of the things you should be on the lookout for:
- Do you apologize a lot? In other words, do you feel like your partner thinks everything you do is wrong and so, you have to constantly beg for forgiveness?
- Do you take responsibility for your partner’s actions? In other words, if they are having a temper tantrum, do you automatically think it’s because you did something wrong?
- Does it seem like you are the only one who gives in or makes sacrifices in the relationship?
- Do you often feel intimidated by your partner? Do you feel threatened into obeying what they say or forcibly comply?
- Do you make changes to your life just to make your partner happy?
- Do you find it difficult to stand up for yourself? Or do you feel like you are walking around on eggshells and that you can’t talk about things that are bothering you?
- Do you find it impossible to set up boundaries in your relationship or to say no to your partner?
- Do you find it extremely difficult to communicate with your partner? And that if you do, he/she will not hear what you are really saying?
If you said “yes” to any of these questions, then you are probably being emotionally blackmailed. And you need to do something about it.
How to handle the situation
It’s not all on you
If you have just come to the realization that your partner is emotionally blackmailing you, remember that it is not your responsibility to fix someone who is treating you badly. Remember that the manipulator has choices about their behavior and dilemmas and they are trying to shift that responsibility to you. Don’t let them.
Lay boundaries
There are ways to bring up your concerns with a loved one if you believe that their emotional blackmail is something they’re unaware of.
For instance, if your partner threatens to leave because you have declined to do something for them you should directly and firmly state a boundary by telling them to stop. This can feel scary, but it usually works.
Threats often don’t materialize, because they’re usually a plea for more attention. You can also assure the manipulator that you love them and want the relationship intact but are unwilling to do what they want.
Communicate
If you’re dealing with a repeat offender of emotional blackmail, all good solutions start with communication.
You should talk to your partner to express concern. If their goal is to hijack your emotions, then you first need to be clear with yourself what you are willing to accept. Express this to them, and hold to it. You can say, clearly, that you won’t be manipulated.
If insecurities exist, ask what you can do to help them feel more secure. Maybe your partner needs more regular romantic gestures.
Step away
If this person won’t stop despite your requests and continues, then it is time to consider stepping away. Emotional blackmail is an abusive dynamic, especially if it continues after boundaries are clearly laid. You deserve to feel loved and supported, not threatened.
What is emotional blackmail in a relationship and how to respond to them?
- 1
Emotional blackmail is when a person tries to manipulate you to make you do things their way. They use your feelings to control your behaviour. And this kind of nature might be seen in some relationships where one partner manipulates the other to get their work done.
The examples of emotional blackmail are very subtle and they are generally exhibited in one’s body language and disappointment. So, people should prevent this kind of behaviour when they feel that they are manipulated in a relationship. So, here’s everything you should know about it.
Examples of emotional blackmail and how to handle this?
Signs of emotional blackmail
These are the subtle signs of this behaviour:
Demand: They will demand from their partner to not meet a particular friend or do a specific thing. This would be conveyed in a subtle way.
Resistance: If the other person tries to resist it, then their partner will push again indirectly to make that happen.
Pressure: Next, they will pressurize directly. There are high chances that they will try to criticise or demean the person.
Threats: When nothing is working, they will directly threaten to get the things done.
Compliance: Then, they’ll have to agree with their partner and listen to what they say. The conflict will be over and their partner will be nice to them for doing what they want.
Repetition: When such situation arrives, they will know how to play with your mind to make you do their work. They will keep controlling their behaviour.
Other examples of emotional blackmail
Some people use other tactics to manipulate their partner’s feelings such as following:
Punish: They will punish their partners for not obeying their orders.
Self-Punishers: Here, people will punish themselves to make their partner feel bad for not listening to them.
Tantalizers: People will use kind gestures and words to manipulate their partner’s mind. They will be extremely nice while demanding something.
What to do?
Handling this kind of situation is quite tricky. You have to be calm and think wisely to react to such things. So, here’s what you can do:
First, keep calm and take time to think about what your partner wants.
Start a conversation with him or her. Try to convey your feelings. Tell them how you feel when they demand something illogical.
You can also seek professional help to resolve these matters.
Home » Emotional Blackmail in Relationships and How to Handle it
“If you go out with your friends I’ll know that you don’t care about me!” Has the person you are dating ever told you something like that? If the answer is yes, then you are probably going through emotional blackmail in your relationship without even realizing it. Emotional blackmailers usually tend to give the people they are close ultimatums that then cause fear, guilt, or obligation to get what they want. In most relationships, emotional blackmail is usually so subtle that those in such situations don’t realize it. Pressuring or reminding someone of their duties can be one low-key tactic of emotional blackmail. A romantic partner who is emotionally blackmailing you can say, ” You say you love me, but you won’t stop talking to your friend because I want you to.” In such a scenario, the manipulator is reminding the victim that because they are in love, they are obligated to do what the other partner requires them to do.
How Do You Know If You Are Being Emotionally Blackmailed?
Believe it or not, you might not know if you’re being blackmailed. It might seem like you should know, but sometimes people are too close to the situation and therefore, they don’t recognize the warning signs.
Let’s take a look at some of the things you should be on the lookout for:
- Do you apologize a lot? In other words, do you feel like your partner thinks everything you do is wrong and so, you have to constantly beg for forgiveness?
- Do you take responsibility for your partner’s actions? In other words, if they are having a temper tantrum, do you automatically think it’s because you did something wrong?
- Does it seem like you are the only one who gives in or makes sacrifices in the relationship?
- Do you often feel intimidated by your partner? Do you feel threatened into obeying what they say or forcibly comply?
- Do you make changes to your life just to make your partner happy?
- Do you find it difficult to stand up for yourself? Or do you feel like you are walking around on eggshells and that you can’t talk about things that are bothering you?
- Do you find it impossible to set up boundaries in your relationship or to say no to your partner?
- Do you find it extremely difficult to communicate with your partner? And that if you do, he/she will not hear what you are really saying?
If you said “yes” to any of these questions, then you are probably being emotionally blackmailed. And you need to do something about it.
How to handle the situation
It’s not all on you
If you have just come to the realization that your partner is emotionally blackmailing you, remember that it is not your responsibility to fix someone who is treating you badly. Remember that the manipulator has choices about their behavior and dilemmas and they are trying to shift that responsibility to you. Don’t let them.
Lay boundaries
There are ways to bring up your concerns with a loved one if you believe that their emotional blackmail is something they’re unaware of.
For instance, if your partner threatens to leave because you have declined to do something for them you should directly and firmly state a boundary by telling them to stop. This can feel scary, but it usually works.
Threats often don’t materialize, because they’re usually a plea for more attention. You can also assure the manipulator that you love them and want the relationship intact but are unwilling to do what they want.
Communicate
If you’re dealing with a repeat offender of emotional blackmail, all good solutions start with communication.
You should talk to your partner to express concern. If their goal is to hijack your emotions, then you first need to be clear with yourself what you are willing to accept. Express this to them, and hold to it. You can say, clearly, that you won’t be manipulated.
If insecurities exist, ask what you can do to help them feel more secure. Maybe your partner needs more regular romantic gestures.
Step away
If this person won’t stop despite your requests and continues, then it is time to consider stepping away. Emotional blackmail is an abusive dynamic, especially if it continues after boundaries are clearly laid. You deserve to feel loved and supported, not threatened.
Have you ever been in a relationship where your partner makes you feel crazy? Or where they wanted to control your every move? Or perhaps you have felt like you were being emotionally blackmailed?
If you have felt that way, you are not alone. Many people find themselves a victim of an emotional blackmailer.
But what exactly is emotional blackmail? Let’s take a look.
What Is Emotional Blackmail?
Emotional blackmail is a very dysfunctional dynamic that happens in some relationships. It is a form of manipulation that a person uses to make demands on and threaten their victims to get what they want.
Just like “regular” blackmail, the message of emotional blackmail is this: “If you don’t do what I want and when I want it, you will be sorry. I will make you suffer.”
An example of “regular blackmail” might look like this. Perhaps you walked in on your married boss fooling around in his office with one of your co-workers (who is not his wife). Since he doesn’t want his wife to find out, he will likely do anything to keep you from telling his secret. So, it would be blackmail for you to say, “I won’t tell your wife if you double my salary.”
Emotional blackmail is not really that different from this. It just happens in close, intimate relationships.
Someone who is trying to emotionally blackmail you will create feelings of fear, guilt, and anger to get you to comply with what they want. While they are doing this, they try to blame you (the victim) for their own negative behavior.
Examples of Emotional Blackmail
A person who is an emotional blackmailer tends to be emotionally immature. They don’t have any other ways to communicate with someone, and they don’t know how to be in a healthy relationship. Instead, they rely on their negative behavior to bully their partner into compliance.
Emotional blackmail occurs in many romantic relationships. In fact, this is probably the most common type of relationship in which you will find this occurring.
Let’s take the example of cheating. If a woman is caught cheating on her husband (and she is an emotional blackmailer), then instead of expressing remorse and apologizing for her actions, she will instead deflect the blame onto her husband.
In other words, she may say things like “If you were just more loving and attentive to me, then I wouldn’t have had to cheat on you!” In saying this, she is justifying her behavior and confusing her husband so much that he might actually start to believe that it is his fault that she cheated on him.
He may even start to internalize this and wonder if maybe he is not good enough for her or that he is somehow a bad husband.
Here are some other ways that someone can emotionally blackmail another person:
- If you ever break up with me, I will commit suicide.
- You say you love me, but you won’t stop talking to your friend because I want you to.
- If I ever catch you looking at another woman, I’ll kill her!
- I’ve talked to my friends and family, and they all agree that you are crazy!
- You have ruined my life, and now you’re trying to tell me to stop drinking?
You see, an emotional blackmailer will always try to make the victim feel like they are to blame for everything. Here are a couple of more examples:
- It’s your fault that I didn’t get that promotion at work.
- If you would just buy healthy food, then I wouldn’t be fat.
They also use strategies that create confusion in their victims. The ways they do this is by making their demands seem reasonable, making their victim seem selfish or crazy, or partnering with someone else to help intimidate them.
How Do You Know If You Are Being Emotionally Blackmailed?
Believe it or not, you might not know if you’re being blackmailed. It might seem like you should know, but sometimes people are too close to the situation and therefore, they don’t recognize the warning signs.
Let’s take a look at some of the things you should be on the lookout for:
- Do you apologize a lot? In other words, do you feel like your partner thinks everything you do is wrong and so, you have to constantly beg for forgiveness?
- Do you take responsibility for your partner’s actions? In other words, if they are having a temper tantrum, do you automatically think it’s because you did something wrong?
- Does it seem like you are the only one who gives in or makes sacrifices in the relationship?
- Do you often feel intimidated by your partner? Do you feel threatened into obeying what they say or forcibly comply?
- Do you make changes to your life just to make your partner happy?
- Do you find it difficult to stand up for yourself? Or do you feel like you are walking around on eggshells and that you can’t talk about things that are bothering you?
- Do you find it impossible to set up boundaries in your relationship or to say no to your partner?
- Do you find it extremely difficult to communicate with your partner? And that if you do, he/she will not hear what you are really saying?
If you said “yes” to any of these questions, then you are probably being emotionally blackmailed. And you need to do something about it.
Tips for Handling Emotional Blackmail
If you are a victim of emotional blackmail, there are some ways you can handle it.
1. Be Honest With Yourself
First, you need to be honest with yourself and really take a hard, objective look at your partner’s behavior. Try to recognize their controlling behavior – of all kinds.
2. Keep a Journal
Writing down your daily interactions with the other person will allow you to go back and review what was said and done by them. That way, you have a written record of the actual behavior that is happening. Because sometimes, our memory can play tricks on us, so it’s important to get it on paper.
3. Seek Help
Try to understand why you are allowing this behavior in your partner. Is there something in your past that makes you think you deserve this negative behavior? If you have the resources to do so, try to seek help from a therapist to help you uncover why you are allowing this in your life.
4. Determine If You Are in Danger
Many people have their occasional emotional outbursts, but if this has become something regular in your relationship, you need to protect yourself and your children (if you have them).
5. Take Action
Try to get your partner to seek help if he/she is an emotional blackmailer. And if they refuse, then you need to seriously consider ending the relationship if they will not change.
The Bottom Line
No one deserves to be emotionally blackmailed. It is a horrible, mean way to manipulate another human being. So, if you find that you are a victim of emotional blackmail in your relationship, you need to realize that you deserve better.
Save yourself and your happiness, because that is all that really matters.
Have you ever been in a relationship where your partner makes you feel crazy? Or where they wanted to control your every move? Or perhaps you have felt like you were being emotionally blackmailed? If you have felt that way, you are not alone. Many people find themselves a victim of an emotional blackmailer. But what exactly is emotional blackmail? Let’s take a look.
What Is Emotional Blackmail?
Emotional blackmail is a very dysfunctional dynamic that happens in some relationships. It is a form of manipulation that a person uses to make demands on and threaten their victims to get what they want.
Just like “regular” blackmail, the message of emotional blackmail is this: “If you don’t do what I want and when I want it, you will be sorry. I will make you suffer.”
An example of “regular blackmail” might look like this. Perhaps you walked in on your married boss fooling around in his office with one of your co-workers (who is not his wife). Since he doesn’t want his wife to find out, he will likely do anything to keep you from telling his secret. So, it would be blackmail for you to say, “I won’t tell your wife if you double my salary.”
Emotional blackmail is not really that different from this. It just happens in close, intimate relationships.
Someone who is trying to emotionally blackmail you will create feelings of fear, guilt, and anger to get you to comply with what they want. While they are doing this, they try to blame you (the victim) for their own negative behavior.
Examples of Emotional Blackmail
A person who is an emotional blackmailer tends to be emotionally immature. They don’t have any other ways to communicate with someone, and they don’t know how to be in a healthy relationship. Instead, they rely on their negative behavior to bully their partner into compliance.
Emotional blackmail occurs in many romantic relationships. In fact, this is probably the most common type of relationship in which you will find this occurring.
Let’s take the example of cheating. If a woman is caught cheating on her husband (and she is an emotional blackmailer), then instead of expressing remorse and apologizing for her actions, she will instead deflect the blame onto her husband.
In other words, she may say things like “If you were just more loving and attentive to me, then I wouldn’t have had to cheat on you!” In saying this, she is justifying her behavior and confusing her husband so much that he might actually start to believe that it is his fault that she cheated on him.
He may even start to internalize this and wonder if maybe he is not good enough for her or that he is somehow a bad husband.
Here are some other ways that someone can emotionally blackmail another person:
If you ever break up with me, I will commit suicide.
You say you love me, but you won’t stop talking to your friend because I want you to.
If I ever catch you looking at another woman, I’ll kill her!
I’ve talked to my friends and family, and they all agree that you are crazy!
You have ruined my life, and now you’re trying to tell me to stop drinking?
You see, an emotional blackmailer will always try to make the victim feel like they are to blame for everything. Here are a couple of more examples:
It’s your fault that I didn’t get that promotion at work.
If you would just buy healthy food, then I wouldn’t be fat.
They also use strategies that create confusion in their victims. The ways they do this is by making their demands seem reasonable, making their victim seem selfish or crazy, or partnering with someone else to help intimidate them.
How Do You Know If You Are Being Emotionally Blackmailed?
Believe it or not, you might not know if you’re being blackmailed. It might seem like you should know, but sometimes people are too close to the situation and therefore, they don’t recognize the warning signs.
Let’s take a look at some of the things you should be on the lookout for:
Do you apologize a lot? In other words, do you feel like your partner thinks everything you do is wrong and so, you have to constantly beg for forgiveness?
Do you take responsibility for your partner’s actions? In other words, if they are having a temper tantrum, do you automatically think it’s because you did something wrong?
Does it seem like you are the only one who gives in or makes sacrifices in the relationship?
Do you often feel intimidated by your partner? Do you feel threatened into obeying what they say or forcibly comply?
Do you make changes to your life just to make your partner happy?
Do you find it difficult to stand up for yourself? Or do you feel like you are walking around on eggshells and that you can’t talk about things that are bothering you?
Do you find it impossible to set up boundaries in your relationship or to say no to your partner?
Do you find it extremely difficult to communicate with your partner? And that if you do, he/she will not hear what you are really saying?
If you said “yes” to any of these questions, then you are probably being emotionally blackmailed. And you need to do something about it.
Tips for Handling Emotional Blackmail
If you are a victim of emotional blackmail, there are some ways you can handle it.
1. Be Honest With Yourself
First, you need to be honest with yourself and really take a hard, objective look at your partner’s behavior. Try to recognize their controlling behavior – of all kinds.
2. Keep a Journal
Writing down your daily interactions with the other person will allow you to go back and review what was said and done by them. That way, you have a written record of the actual behavior that is happening. Because sometimes, our memory can play tricks on us, so it’s important to get it on paper.
Try to understand why you are allowing this behavior in your partner. Is there something in your past that makes you think you deserve this negative behavior? If you have the resources to do so, try to seek help from a therapist to help you uncover why you are allowing this in your life.
4. Determine If You Are in Danger
Many people have their occasional emotional outbursts, but if this has become something regular in your relationship, you need to protect yourself and your children (if you have them).
Try to get your partner to seek help if he/she is an emotional blackmailer. And if they refuse, then you need to seriously consider ending the relationship if they will not change.
The Bottom Line
No one deserves to be emotionally blackmailed. It is a horrible, mean way to manipulate another human being. So, if you find that you are a victim of emotional blackmail in your relationship, you need to realize that you deserve better.
Save yourself and your happiness, because that is all that really matters.
