Towards the end, her dementia was so bad that every day she woke up in a panic asking why she was in pain and why she was hooked up to tubes etc.
We had to explain to her every single day that she had lung cancer and every day she'd ask us how long she had left and we had to explain that she was on her last few weeks. And, every single day, she'd ask us to help her overdose or to let her die in some sort of dignified manner.
My Grandad, her husband of over 50 years, ended up in a complete mess every day after having to tell his wife that she was dying and it was certainly the most difficult thing any of us have ever had to deal with so I completely understand where you're coming.
This might sound a little unfair, and perhaps a little calous, but we found ways of explaing and ways of speaking to her that made it a little easier through experience. When you tell your mum what has happened, try to remember which methods worked best to minimise her disress and it will start to get easier.
I don't know enough about Alzheimer's to know if it will sink in for her eventually or not, but the only advice I can offer is to learn from past experiences of tellig her and try to make it as easy as possible for all of you.
sorry I can't be more help, and so sorry to hear of your sad situation
all the best xx
